Breaking Trust
by Ito ED
Summary: Ryan will have a crazy ex, Eric has a stalker, and relationships that were broken in the past will be mended. Now Ryan/OMC, past Ryan/Speed still alive , future Ryan/ Eric. AU, M-Preg, abuse, stalking,and hopefully I can write a Happy Ever After. SLASH!
1. Forget the Mirrors and Try not to Dream

**A/N:** This story is AU, M-Preg(because I love them), SLASH, and there is abuse in the beginning.

**Pairing(s):** right now Ryan/OMC, future Ryan/Eric, past Ryan/Speed. Ryan/Eric happens really soon, so that is the pairing I'm putting it under.

Abuse is _**NEVER**_ okay. If you or someone you know is being abused there is help out there. I'm including a website and the two phone numbers on the site. This is an American website, because I'm in America. For anyone outside the U.S. and territories, you should be able to find hotlines and help lines by typing abuse hotline or abuse help into your search engine.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: www(dot)the hotline(dot)org

1-800-799-SAFE(7233) and 1-800-787-3224(TTY)

The website even has a quick escape button. You click it and it will take you to Google. That way you can keep what you're looking at private.

Don't own. (Always forget that part)

* * *

He woke up with tears streaming down his face and his shoulder aching. He kept thinking about last night and the fight he had had with Jesse. How Jesse had shoved him, how he knew he should have walked out the door after he left him there on the floor, and how he was too much of a coward to tell anyone he knew. He shook his head and tried to stop the thoughts of walking out, knowing that there would be hell to pay if Jesse found out. But his mind kept going back to walking out. Maybe no one would have to know,

"Maybe I should..." Ryan whispered to himself.

"Maybe you should what, baby?" Jesse asked him from the doorway. "You weren't thinking of getting up were you? Because I personally think that would be a horrible idea." He said, walking into the room while slowly stripping his uniform off.

Noticing the look on Ryan's face, he started in on the apologies and the excuses. "I'm sorry for last night. You know I didn't mean it. You _do_ forgive me, don't you baby?" He whispered into the room as he descended onto Ryan's prone form.

"Did my baby miss me?" He whispered into Ryan's ear, licking the shell.

"_Yes_." He moaned into Jesse's neck while arching into his body.

"Say you'll forgive me Ry. It was an accident. You know I love you, _only_ you." Jesse said, working his way down Ryan's neck. Jesse knew he had him when he felt Ryan grab his hair. And he knew he had driven all thoughts of leaving out of the younger man's mind when he whimpered as he closed over the sensitive nub on his right side.

"Tell me what you want. Ryan, tell me what you want." He demanded while jerking his head back and pressing his hardness into the young body beneath him.

Ryan was gone the moment Jess had said the words _"only you"_. With the way all of his past relationships had turned out he knew that those words were golden, like silence. And like silence, he knew just how rare they were. So, when his lover asked him what he wanted, he answered him.

"You, in me." He whispered while taking Jesse's hand and guiding under the thin layer of fabric dividing them.

_'Maybe you can forget.'_ He thought as Jesse slipped off his boxers and slid the hand on his stomach down around the base his cock. _'He'll get better when the pressure from work is off of him. I know it. Right?'_ Ryan's shoulder twinged, but he moaned as Jesse's finger entered him. He bucked as another followed the first, and when a third joined, he screamed in pleasure when Jesse hit his spot. _'I'll forget. It's easier.'_ Was the last coherent thought to cross his mind.

Jesse removed his fingers from his lover. And with hands gripping Ryan's hips, he plunged into the tight heat that awaited him.

"No one can have you. Your _mine_." Jesse growled, slowly thrusting into the willing body beneath him.

He adjusted their positions when he felt Ryan's legs wrap around his waist. With each continuous thrust he growled, _"Mine."_ Over and over again until it, along with Ryan's moans and whimpers, was the only thing that could be heard in their room.

Ryan cried out as he felt a hand stroke along the underside of his cock. He screamed as he felt Jesse's thumb rub over the head. And he came when Jesse's thumb dipped into the slit. After a few more thrusts, he sensed more than felt Jesse's release inside of him. Still entwined, he groaned when their contact was broken.

Jesse smirked and pulled Ryan closer. Falling into the after-sex haze while listening to their combined breathing.

Knowing his shift would start soon Ryan disentangled himself from the sleeping man and walked into the bathroom. He looked into the mirror after he got out of the shower and ended up regretting it instantly. The bruise was spreading from the outside of his shoulder to the point where his collarbone started to jut out.

With _'Only you.'_ echoing in his mind, he decided not to look in to any more mirrors without a shirt. He quietly put his uniform on and picked up the mess of clothes on the bedroom floor. He put them in the laundry room and left a note saying he would call on break.

As he walked out the door he hoped Lee wouldn't notice his shoulder. But he knew not to wish for much.

It had been a slow night, with everyone either catching up on paperwork or patrolling. Ryan had just gotten off the phone when the call came in. He, along with Lee, had gone out to the pretty house in the pretty neighborhood. The first thing they saw from the street was the open door. Drawing their weapons and calling for backup as they approached.

They had all seen things in their line of work, but nothing had prepared them for what had gone on in the pretty house in the pretty neighborhood.

Ryan had found the little boy hiding in the basement. With the wounds he had, it was a shock to everyone that he had still been alive. Somehow he had managed to survive the wrath of his father. Whether he would make it was still up in the air. The ambulance was just pulling away when _they_ arrived.

"Are you alright?" A voice to his left said. "You should see someone about that." It had added.

Ryan stopped rubbing his shoulder. "It's nothing, sir." He said finally turning to look at the red haired man.

"What's wrong?" Lee's voice broke through the silence that had descended. "Why should you see someone Ryan?"

"His shoulder-" Horatio was cut off by Lee.

"What about your shoulder. You _promised_. You said if anythi-"

"Shut up." Ryan hissed at his friend. "I'll get the statements for you." He bolted, catching sight of Tim.

"Is he okay?" Alexx asked, walking up behind Horatio with Tim.

"Yes. And I'm Houdini." He muttered the last part.

"Excuse me?" Speed asked.

"Nothing. This way." Lee said finally looking at them. "Don't worry, we didn't muck up too much. But the boy..." He trailed off as he led them toward the scene. Several officers were crying as they passed.

It prompted Speed to ask. "What did you find when you got here?" Already dreading the answer.

"We got the call around two. Door was open, blood leading in." Lee started.

"Five bodies..." Ryan said from behind them. "One male, one female, three children. Two boys one girl. Found..." It got quiet as he explained what they had found. "Photographic memory. Two lost it over there, one over there, and one actually made it to the storm drain." He pointed to his left, right, and behind him, all without ever looking at them.

"Media." Craig shouted from the right. "Oh goody. Vultures."

Ryan had run. He could admit that. After they were finished, they had all quietly gone back to the station. He had gone to the locker room and scrubbed himself raw in one of the showers. Trying to forget. Forget Lee's questioning looks, forget seeing Tim and his lover, and most of all, trying to forget the little boy. The blood covering his body, barely able to breath, and his terrified eyes. The eyes that were pleading _'Don't hurt me'_.

The water had turned cold and his skin raw before he got out. Ryan dried off and changed, then he headed home.

He put his shoes away as he walked in the front door. When he got to the bedroom he stripped and put everything in the hamper. He went back to the kitchen where he set the timer on the coffee maker. He did the dishes Jesse had made the night before, and then he cleaned like his life depended on it. Part of it did in a way. His OCD had to be satisfied and he couldn't face sleep yet. Not with the memories still so close to the surface.

But no matter what he did, they wouldn't go away. And he knew if he didn't go to bed soon he'd miss any chance of comfort from his lover. Even if he was still sleeping. So Ryan crawled into bed and curled around Jesse's sleeping form. And he dreamed.

_Light spilling in from the open window, falling across the bodies moving together under the covers, moaning, screaming, and grunting each others names. That was all Ryan Wolfe saw and heard when he entered his boyfriends apartment. They had both known months ago that they made great lovers, but even greater friends. And they both always knew they wouldn't make it to forever, but he never thought Tim would break them this way._

_He didn't even realize they had stopped moving until he heard his name._

_"You should have told me before I came all the way over here. Would have saved everyone from embarrassment." He muttered, retreating out of the bedroom and out of the apartment..._

Ryan woke up with the tears still falling. It had been two years and he still had dreams about that afternoon. He had never cared about losing their love life, it was the friendship that had mattered most to him. And it had shattered when Tim lied to him. He still felt the hole in his heart from where that friendship had been. He felt it was kind of sad to admit it now. They had wasted all that time holding onto something they didn't have with each other, only to end up breaking what good things they did have together.

He felt Jesse's arms wrap around his waist as the bed shifted on his right.

"Nightmare?" He asked.

"The little boy. His eyes." He lied. Tim was a sore subject all around, and he didn't want to have another fight so soon. "So cold." He whispered. "Just hold me, please. And don't let go." Ryan curled into Jesse's arms trying to burrow into his body.

"It's okay. I'm never giving you up. I promise." He whispered into Ryan's ear.

* * *

**A/N:** I published this almost 3 years ago on LJ. I stopped writing this and my other stories because my grandmother became ill and almost passed away. She got better and then she became ill again. It was a roller coaster for over a year and I just couldn't write anything during that time. Lucky for me she's doing well now and I have rediscovered my stories, and my muse has come back for them. I had wonderful comments on LJ and I know that some people read both sites. So for anyone who was following the story over there(and you've found it here), I won't be posting anything over there until I'm done with the story. But I do have several chapters already done so I should be able to catch up and probably finish this story in a couple of months. I'm not sure how long this story will be now, as it has decided to take a different direction from where it was headed before I stopped writing. Not that big of one, but still a different fork in the road. Thank you to all who read that. I hope you enjoy the story.

Reviews are love, ConCrit is welcomed, and any and all Flames will be used to build a bon fire to tell this story by.


	2. Just Because You Can't See Something

**A/N:** This story does contain abuse. I received a wonderful review from _**merrymatryoshka**_(Thank you) stating that the they were _"in two minds whether to read this because of the abuse factor"_. I'm glad that you gave it a chance. Abuse is a sensitive subject for a lot of people. Some people will do everything in their power to help someone who is in that situation. Others will try to convince their friend(s) or family that what's happening is not okay. Other people will bury their heads in the sand, because they don't want to acknowledge that abuse does happen. And some people are afraid of what will happen to them if they help someone being abused. I hope some of this helps everyone understand the mindset of some of the characters during the story. If anyone would like to add a website send me a review or pm. I'll check it out to make sure it's real and safe, and then put it in a new chapter. Don't own.

Thank you for the reviews merrymatryoshka and Janet1982!

Abuse is _**NEVER**_ okay. If you or someone you know is being abused there is help out there. I'm including a website and the two phone numbers on the site. This is an American website, because I'm in America. For anyone outside the U.S. and territories, you should be able to find hotlines and help lines by typing abuse hotline or abuse help into your search engine.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: www(dot)thehotline(dot)org

1.800.(7233) and 4(TTY)

The website even has a quick escape button. You click it and it will take you to Google. That way you can keep what you're looking at private.

He died. Technically. Once on the way to the hospital, and twice after he got there. And he still wasn't out of the woods yet. So Ryan had gone every day to the hospital. As long as there was an officer on the door who knew him, he didn't have to wear his uniform there.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

He hadn't been lucky today. Even though he was now known to the doctors and nurses, and to most of the people he worked with, Ryan wasn't well known to Officer Bills. But then again Officer Bills didn't know a lot of people. He was a nasty little toad. Ryan knew he shouldn't think that way, especially about a fellow officer. But if anyone knew Bills, they knew it couldn't be helped. He was a good cop, but most said he made a lousy friend.

"Don't judge, don't judge, don't judge. You know better." Ryan muttered under his breath.

"That's a good philosophy Mr. Wolfe. May I ask who you were _not_ judging?" Horatio asked from behind him.

"You may." Ryan answered him without turning around. "But that doesn't mean I'll answer."

"Very good." That was all he said.

"You're not supposed to be here Wolfe." Bills said from the doorway.

"The only thing you're supposed to be doing Bills, is sitting in the chair on the other side of the door. And what a shock, I don't see your butt in the chair. Wonder what the boss would say." Ryan finally turned toward the door. And the look he had on said, _'See what'll happen'_.

"Good-bye Bills." He said turning back to the small boy in the bed.

"Do you need anything?" Ryan asked slowly waving his hand towards Jay.

"Like what?" Horatio asked.

"Fingernails, toenails. I wanted to cut them, they're getting to long." Ryan didn't notice the look of surprise that passed over his face.

"No. We took what we needed already. But we do need to talk to him." Horatio said.

"Come back around ten. Jay will be up by then." Ryan didn't even hear him leave.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

_"He has to talk to us."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because, we need to know what happened."_

_"He's scared. You're just another monster to him. One that keeps dragging up the nightmare. Can you even fathom that."_

"Can you?" Speed regretted the words almost as soon as they were out there. "Ryan, I'm sor-"

"Save it. If you want to talk to him, send someone with a heart." Ryan practically shouted the last bit.

"You can't keep him." Speed said to Ryan's retreating back.

"I am." It was said so simply, he didn't even think of arguing. Ryan wasn't going to let him into that again, so he called Alexx.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

"I want to keep him." Ryan said when he got home. He wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"Sweetie, I thought you wanted to have a baby." Jesse replied in a gentle tone. He was walking on dangerous ground. Ryan wasn't the only one who knew how dangerous sensitive subjects were.

"We've tried. It doesn't work, you know that. This can work. Think about it. He needs us, and I want him." Ryan shouted, then whispered, "_Please_. Just think about it. Get to know him, It may never happen for us, but this can." He said walking into the bedroom. He didn't want to admit it, but he thought it would be their only chance to have a family.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

That night at work he avoided Lee and his pestering questions. He didn't call home, and he ducked and dodged, not only Officer Bills, but Tim too. He knew that in a few days Bills would go back to ignoring him again, and he wouldn't have to see Tim once the case wrapped because he was still on nights. He just didn't know how to go about getting Lee off his back. Hopefully he'd get the hint and drop it. Seeing as it was his partner though, Ryan sincerely doubted it.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/3 months later\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

It had been three months and things were going good. As good as they could get under the circumstances. There were no more bruises, no more questions from Lee. Ryan had stopped dreaming about Tim and Jay. The pressure was starting to leave at work. And Jesse's temper had been under better control. The best part was that they had both agreed. Ryan had known from the start that he wouldn't be able to walk away from Jay. And walking away from Jesse wasn't an option.

"I get to stay with da cops." Jay proudly told the social worker, the psychologist, and anyone who would listen. He was weary, but he was starting to trust people again. Four year olds were resilient, and people thought that the reason was because he didn't remember a lot of that night. It was something that everybody was grateful for. But Ryan didn't think that the memories were gone, just because you couldn't see something didn't mean that it wasn't there. And just because Jay didn't talk about it, didn't mean that they weren't still inside of him.

"They're here, they're here, they're here." The excited voice could be heard all the way down the hall. "Let's go, let's go, _let's go_." Jay came running into the hallway dragging a his doctor by the hand, It seemed like someone had given him sugar. He said just about everything three times and couldn't seem to stop talking.

"Time to go home." He shouted taking off for the elevator.

With Ryan running after him, Jesse turned to the harassed looking doctor.

"He's excited." She said, slumping against the door frame.

"I see that." He answered, while retrieving Jay's bags. "Did he have sugar?" He asked as an after thought.

"Not that I'm aware of." Dr. Hender said.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

As they approached the house, Jay seemed to get quiet. They had done this before, taken him out for mini-vacations around the city, he had even spent the night. But this was different, and they all knew it. He wouldn't be going back to the hospital, he would be staying.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

"I'm scared." Jay said, standing in the doorway.

"I'll tell you a secret." Ryan said, getting down to eye level. "I'm scared too. But I bet if we put this stuff away and found something to do, we wouldn't feel scared anymore. Does that sound like a good plan?" He asked.

Jay took Ryan's hand and nodded. "It's all so clean." He finally said, looking around.

"That's because of daddy's OCD." Jesse laughed from the doorway.

"What's that?" He asked eagerly.

"It just means, everything has a place, and I like everything in its place. It means I like everything clean." Ryan added the last part at the confused look.

"Ooohhh. I get it." He whispered. "Does it go away?"

"No. I can usually control it, though." Ryan said with a smile.

"Does it hurt?"

"Only if I hit my hands on something I'm cleaning." He said, trying to make light of the fact that, yes, sometimes it did hurt. Ryan had thought about it, and come to the conclusion that Jay didn't need to know some things.

Like, how if the OCD got really bad, Ryan would try to literally get out of his own skin. Or the way Jesse would sometimes let out his temper. Or the fact that Ryan couldn't think of himself as a hero. And Jay could never, ever know about the thoughts that sometimes ran rampant inside of Ryan.

_'But now is not the time to think about them.'_ Ryan mentally scolded himself.

"We should eat." Jesse said from the doorway. "I vote for pizza." He was quickly seconded.

"You already called didn't you?" Ryan asked from his perch on the floor.

"Yep. Let's go." He held out his hand to Jay.

He may have been young, but even Jay knew they had gotten away with something. So he took the offered hand and walked out the door.

As Ryan listened to the man and boy laugh all the way down the hall, he wished that it could stay perfect.

**A/N:** I've inserted line breaks, because it was pointed out in another story that it was too hard to follow the jumps. I forgot that FF takes away the long spaces between paragraphs. So I've updated my system. And Yes, I did skip 3 months in the story. I did that because I cried when I wrote the beginning of this chapter. I knew that Jay would have a battle for his life, and it probably will be discussed in a future chapter, but not now. Reviews are love, ConCrit is welcomed, and any and all Flames will be used to build a bon fire to tell this story by.


	3. Ryan's Thoughts and Eric's Mouth

**A/N:** This chapter is the start of the rewrites. Only a few things in the original writings have changed, but I have added more parts. Overall, that means the whole story will be longer. I do not work in law enforcement, so any mistakes in that area are mine. _**Warning:**_ There is **abuse** in this chapter.

_**merrymatryoshka:**_ Thanks for the review! I had to read back through when I read that bit about self-harm. I can see how you can see that, but I didn't mean that. It's more about how when Ryan has a "bad" episode he can't stop even if he hurts himself. He doesn't set out to harm himself, but he has no control over what may happen during the process. Hope that explained a little bit.

_**janet1982:**_ Thank you!

_**Serenityhimesheppard:**_ Glad it kept you interested. Thanks for the review!

_**Alisa123:**_ Thanks! I promise Tim will be made likeable again. But not right now.

Abuse is _**NEVER**_ okay. If you or someone you know is being abused there is help out there. I'm including a website and the two phone numbers on the site. This is an American website, because I'm in America. For anyone outside the U.S. and territories, you should be able to find hotlines and help lines by typing abuse hotline or abuse help into your search engine.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: www(dot)thehotline(dot)org

1.800.(7233) and 4(TTY)

The website even has a quick escape button. You click it and it will take you to Google. That way you can keep what you're looking at private. If anyone would like to add a website, please let me know.

Enjoy all! Don't own. Some parts un-beta'd.

* * *

Ryan flipped them over, careful not to break their contact with each other. When he was above Jesse he started moving, whimpering with each slow thrust.

"You have to be..._oooohh_...slow...baby." Jesse moaned and panted, watching the man moving above him.

"More." Ryan sobbed, nearly bending over backwards. "Too long. _Need_...you." his movements becoming more erratic.

Looking at Ryan, Jesse nearly lost it. Biting his lip, bending backwards, with his hands threaded through his own hair. It took all his will power not to just thrust up into Ryan. Instead Jesse grabbed his hips and stilled all movement, producing a shout of protest.

"Why, whywhy_why_?" Ryan cried, desperately trying to move their bodies together. He slid his hands from his hair to claw at the ones holding him still. He nearly succeeded before Jesse's hands banded around him once more. Ryan's whimpers turned to a scream of pleasure when his body was quickly pushed up and them pulled down on to Jesse's cock.

"Yesyesyesyes..." Ryan gasped, scratching along Jesse's arms.

"Let go." Jesse demanded. "I need you to let go for me." He moaned, quickening the pace.

"We haven't done that in a long time." Ryan mumbled into Jesse's neck.

"What? Had sex?" He shifted, looking confused. "It hasn't been that long."

"Made noise. We haven't made a lot of noise lately." Ryan laughed. Moving to sit on the edge of the bed, he looked back at his partner when he grabbed his hand. "Jay has a doctor's appointment. I have to go get him. We should be back by three."

Ryan kissed him before going into the bathroom to change.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

It had been two months, and Jay had become comfortable with talking about his family, not what had happened, but about the people. He was even comfortable calling Ryan dad. Ryan knew that it had a lot to do with the doctors. Dr. Mik helped Jay talk, and Dr. Hender made sure she was the one to examine him in his monthly physicals. She had stated from the first that too much change could send his small world into chaos. Ryan had agreed with her. It also hadn't hurt that having a routine made his little OCD heart happy. The kids pouring out of the doors snapped him out of his musings.

"How was your day, baby?" Ryan asked as he held the gate to the school open.

"We have ta do a project." He whispered, walking past. "A family tree."

"I think that's a great idea. We can put in your mom and step-dad, oh, and your brothers and sister. We'll put in daddy Jesse and me, we can even put in Buster." Ryan mentioned their newest family member as he squatted to eye level.

_"But, but Fawn said you're not really my family. She said we isn't really related, so it doesn't count."_ Jay cried. _"She said blood made-"_

Ryan cut him off. "Being related to someone by blood _does not_ make that someone your family. Family are the people who love you, and who will always be there for you. Blood has nothing to do with it. It all has to do with your heart, and what you feel. Baby, do you understand me?" Ryan asked as gently as he could.

"So, you're still my daddy?" Jay asked.

"Yes baby." Ryan smiled when his arms were suddenly filled with his almost five year old. "Love you blue jay."

"Can _we_ really do the project?"

"Of course. I would love that." Ryan gave him one more squeeze then got back up. "We need to go or we'll be late. Then we can get pizza to go, sound like a plan?" Ryan smiled when Jay nodded.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

"Who the hell names their child Fawn?" Lee asked, disgust evident in his voice. "And what kind of sick bastard tells their kid that?"

"Lee, you gotta calm down. We're at work." Ryan said trying to shush him. "Please don't make a scene." He whispered the last part to thin air. "Shit."

"What?" A voice behind him asked.

"Nothing, it's nothing. Do you have the warrant?" Ryan asked the man.

"Eric." Tim called the mystery man. "Is it ready?" He asked coming up beside him.

Eric looked at Ryan. "Are we?"

"Ready when you are. Lee, shut it and get over here." Ryan shouted behind him. "Sorry." He said turning back around.

Walking up to the door, Ryan had a good side view of Eric. _'The man gives a whole new meaning to tall, dark, and handsome. Bet he's great in bed too.'_ Ryan mentally slapped himself when the thought entered his head. _'Can't go there. Jesse'd kill me if he found out.'_ He decided it would be in his best interest to concentrate on where they needed to go.

"Police! We have a warrant to search the premises." Ryan said.

"Open it." Tim said, giving the signal to Lee.

The door slammed open with the force.

Ryan held his gun in front of him as he entered. "Police. Mr. Hart, we have a search warrant. We're coming in. Mr. Hart? Shit." This time Ryan didn't even try to hide the expletive.

"What a pretty picture." Lee muttered from his right. "Let's look at the rest. I call down."

Ryan took one last look into the room before turning towards the staircase.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

"We got our projects back, daddy!" The shout echoed through the house. Jay bounded into the room holding the big piece of cardboard in front of him. "We get to take them back and hang them in the hall for Parents Night. Ms. Giff said everybody would see them when they come. You're both still coming right?"

Ryan scooped Jay. "We'll both be there. Now go put your stuff away so you can play outside." He watched as Jay ran from the kitchen, then back through to the door. Ryan felt Jesse's arms around him and sighed. "His stuff probably made it just inside the door. At least it's in his room. How was your day?"

"Fine." Ryan tried, unsuccessfully, not to stiffen at the tone of voice. "Do you know what I've been hearing?" He growled, spinning Ryan roughly around and pushing him into the fridge.

"Jesse you're hurting me."

"_Do you?"_ Jesse asked, giving him a shake.

"No! Please let go?" Ryan knew it came out as a plea, but he couldn't help it.

"He's asking about you. That CSI. Did you know that?" His voice sounded like he was talking about the weather. "Do you like it?""No!"

"**DADDY JESSE! COME PLAY WITH ME AND BUSTER!"** Jay's voice drifted across the yard.

"Jesse PLEASE! I don't know anything about it!"

He grabbed Ryan's hair and yanked his head back. "You're mine!"

"Yes." As Jesse made his way into the backyard, Ryan made his way into bedroom closet. Grabbing a towel and dropping to the floor, Ryan let the tears come.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

Only fifteen minutes had passed by Ryan's watch. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself, before grabbing the towel and getting up. He used the towel to clean the rest of the way up, then made his way back to the kitchen. And stood in the pantry trying to come up with a dinner idea. He had thought of DIY burritos, but that was before. So he settled on comfort food when his eyes landed on the noodles. He grabbed ingredients and set out to forget.

Thirty minutes later Ryan was pulling the macaroni and cheese out of the oven. He set the table, dished everything up, and finally called them in. "Go wash your hands. Both of you." He said when the door creaked open. Ryan made a mental note to fix it later.

"Kay!"

"Ry."

"Go wash your hands."

"Ry I'm _sorry_!"

"We need to talk about Jay's party. Or more accurately, start planning it. We'll do that after he's in bed, alright?" Ryan leaned over and kissed Jesse's cheek. "Now, go wash your hands so we can eat."

As he watched Jesse walk away, Ryan wondered when he wouldn't forgive him. And tried not to wonder what that day would be like.

* * *

**A/N:** I had to add a lot to this chapter, because it originally skipped almost 10 months. Plus, I've thought of more stuff to write about. I hate giving timelines of when I'm going to update, but I'm trying to aim for Sunday for all my posting. A chapter may come out earlier if I get it done before then. Reviews are love, ConCrit is welcomed, and any and all Flames will be used to build a bonfire to tell this story by.


	4. Ice cream makes everything better!

**A/N:** My adapter finally died for good. It started acting funny last year with only wanting to work in a certain position. Then I thought it had bit the dust this past January, but I performed surgery on it and got it to work again. It totally died (to the point that I thought I'd start a fire if I tried to fix it anymore) at the beginning of February. I ordered a new one during Chinese New Year. If you actually read these, you may be wondering why that's important. It's important because my new adapter shipped from China. So, because of the New Year it took almost 3 times as long to get to me. A big THANKS! to all of you who stuck by this story.

_**janet1982:**_ Thank you!

_**Alisa123:**_ This may sound stupid but, I can't remember if I gave Jesse a last name. I don't think I did in the beginning, but I may have later on. The only problem with that is that I would have to go through the, almost, sixty pages I have written of this story so far. And that doesn't include any of the rewrites that I'm doing. If I have time this week I'll try finding it. On another note, I heard that there was a character with the name 'Jesse' on the show who died. I started writing this long before I found that out. So just to let everyone know, it's not the same character. If anybody is interested in how I picked the name just let me know.

_**merrymatryoshka:**_ I'm glad you like the Ryan/Jay scenes. And I agree, kids do always know. I'm glad Eric was there too. I figured he had to show up at some point or they'd never get together.

_**plesa:**_ I totally agree. Thanks for reading!

_**Buffyxenaman:**_ Thanks!

Abuse is _**NEVER**_ okay. If you or someone you know is being abused there is help out there. I'm including a website and the two phone numbers on the site. This is an American website, because I'm in America. For anyone outside the U.S. and territories, you should be able to find hotlines and help lines by typing abuse hotline or abuse help into your search engine.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: www(dot)thehotline(dot)org

1-800-799-SAFE(7233) and 1-800-787-3224(TTY)

The website even has a quick escape button. You click it and it will take you to Google. That way you can keep what you're looking at private. If anyone would like to add a website, please let me know.

Enjoy all! Don't own. All mistakes are mine.

* * *

One finger. Two. Three. Stretching, stroking, sliding in and out. Different. Wonderful. Hot and slick and _ohsogood_! Fingers GONE!

**SCREAM!**

No! _whimper._

Yes. Back! No. No not back! HIM. Yes. Yes. YES! Hot. Hard. Long. Slick and moving. Slow. Agonizing. TORTURE!

Tan.

White.

Moving together.

Hard.

_**ACHING!**_

Slick hand. Stroking.

Shaking.

Shuddering!

Name. One name. Yes! Say it!

"_ERIC!"_

\o/\o/\o/

Ryan crested into wakefulness with a foreign name on his lips and hot stickiness pooling beneath the sheets. He slid back into sleep, sated in a way that had been missing before.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

Ryan alternately thanked and cursed whatever deity had been about. Thankful that Jesse had been at work during "The Incident", as he now thought of it. Cursing because Ryan _knew_ that he had shouted Eric's name. Ryan didn't even want to think about what would have happened if Jesse had been home, or even Jay. He loved his son. Really! But the boy loved to talk about anything and everything. Ryan could just hear Jay asking Jesse who Eric is. With one last shudder he went back to putting the sheets into the dryer. Another thing to curse said deity about. **More** laundry!

\o/\o/\o/

Ryan managed to get the bed made and the room aired out before he had to leave to get Jay. He was determined to forget "The Incident" before he saw his son. Ryan had almost completely succeeded with his task before a hand landed on his shoulder. Reaching for the gun that wasn't there, Ryan spun… And watched all his hard work shatter.

"Sorry?" The shocked voice asked.

"I'm sorry." He sighed. "I was thinking. How are you Eric?"

"Great! I'm great. Picking up the kid?"

"My son! Yes!" _Prick!_ "When is that damn bell gonna ring?" He muttered.

"What?"

"_Why_ are you here?"

"Picking up my niece. So…"

"Yes?"

"What?"

Ryan sighed. "You said _'So'_." _Idiot!_

"Oh yeah, that. Well I was thinking that we could…" Ryan was grateful the bell rang. He actually thought it was a little pathetic at how grateful he felt. He made his escape when a little girl ran up shouting for 'Uncle Eric'.

\o/\o/\o/

He ran. He'll admit it. Okay, so only to himself. But it wasn't a cowardly thing to do, it was self-preservation. And if there was one thing Ryan could do, it was preserve his own ass. Besides, Eric was an idiot and a prick. An idiotic _gorgeous_ prick. _Damn it! Stupid Eric!_

\o/\o/\o/

"Stupid, Eric. Saying that stupid _'Great!'_ and then calling his son _'the kid'_. Really fucking stupid Eric!"

"Are you sad Uncle Eric?" A little voice piped up from the backseat. "'Cause if you are ice cream can make you feel better. Ice cream always works! Ice cream makes everything better!" Eric couldn't quite hide the chuckle that escaped at Lacey's blatant attempt at getting ice cream. His Papa had made it his life's mission to teach his only grandchild the art of subtlety. Needless to say, it wasn't going great.

"Ice cream sounds good." Lacey may not be subtle, but they both knew he couldn't say no to his niece.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

"What's wrong?" He sighed.

"I'm just tired babe." He wasn't in the mood for a fight, he wasn't in the mood to "talk", he wasn't even in _'the mood'_. At least, not for his lover.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"_NO!"_

"_FINE!"_

He watched his lover turn. "WAIT! Wait. I'm sorry." He moved over and slid his arms around his lovers neck. "I'm sorry. I just, I don't want to talk about work. And I really don't want to fight because of it."

"I'm sorry too. I just don't like seeing you upset. Maybe we could go to bed? I could give you one of my famous backrubs." He had a wonderful loving man. One who would do anything for him. He was such a dick!

"Well, I _was_ thinking of taking a shower."

"Okay."

He pulled back and looked at the man before him. And laughed. "I don't think you're getting it. I was thinking…" He pushed into the body in front of him. "of taking a shower."

"Oh. What are we waiting for?"

"Hank? I do love you."

"I love you too Eric."

\o/\o/\o/

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to deal with work." Ryan let out an explosive sigh. "And my head hurts."

"Getting sick?"

"Hope not."

"I like when you have the night off."

Ryan turned at that. "Really?" He laughed and looped his arms around Jesse's neck. "I thought you liked that big bed all to yourself."

"I do like that. But I like you being there even more."

"You're sweet."

"I don't want that getting out." Ryan laughed.

"Our secret. No what?"

"Hmm?"

"My headache's going away." He pushed his face into Jesse's shoulder and sighed. Trying not to think about Eric had made his head hurt. Thinking about Eric had brought nothing but guilt, and that didn't help his headache at all. Things with Jesse weren't perfect by any means, but Ryan loved him.

* * *

**A/N:** Kind of short, but, like I said before, the story did originally skip almost 10 months. So I'm going to take this week to plan out how I'm going to fill the missing months in. The next chapter of The Bloody Battle will be out either tomorrow or early Tuesday, for those who are interested. Reviews are love, ConCrit is welcomed, and any and all Flames will be used to build a bonfire to tell this story by.


	5. I love that show!

**A/N:** I HATE cold and flu season! I've had a headache for the past five days. Along with a fever, aches, pains, sore throat, chest congestion, cough, and ear aches. I'm drugged up to the gills on cold medicine. So this chapter will be really really really short, and hopefully make some kind of sense.

_**ann:**_ Thanks for the review. If you let me know what parts are hard to read I'll try explain or fix them. Thanks!

_**janet1982:**_ Thank you! Yes Eric is in a relationship. And Speed is with Horatio. That was the main reason Ryan was so blunt with him at the crime scene.

_**Buffyxenaman:**_ Thanks!

Enjoy all! Don't own. All mistakes are mine.

* * *

Ryan's head was pounding. Just thinking about some thirty-odd kids running around like his son was doing now, made him slightly ill.

"LACEY'S HERE!"

'_And so is Eric. SHIT!'_ Ryan gave a sigh. Eric had called to say that some nasty shit was running through his family, and that he would be bringing his niece for the party.

"Go play you two." Jesse ushered them out the back door.

"Thanks for letting us come early. Hank was called in earlier." Ryan was happy to let them talk.

"Who?"

"My partner. Hank MacGregor." If Ryan was a little crushed by that realization, it was nobody's business but his.

"The D.A.?"

"Yeah. He said he'd try to make, but not to bet on it. Can I do anything to help?"

"No. Everything's covered." Ryan stepped back and put the cake on the counter to warm up.

"The Last Airbender! I love that show!"

"Me too!"

"Okay. I'm going outside. Call me if you need anything." Jesse left a lingering kiss on Ryan's lips before he slipped out the back.

"Favorite character?"

"Zuko. Just because he's not really bad, he just wants to go home. Even if his dad is a dick and his sister's nuts."

"Mine's Sokka. A non-bender surrounded by benders. The meat-boomerang-sarcasm-plan guy." Ryan smiled. Jesse just didn't understand some things.

* * *

**A/N:** I know! It's very very short. But staring at the screen isn't helping my headache. The reason I'm updating this is because I want to stick with my Sunday update schedule. Reviews are love, ConCrit is welcomed, and any and all Flames will be used to build a bonfire to tell this story by.


	6. Grown ass men hiding in the pantry!

**A/N:** This cold thing has kicked my ass! I stand up for more than ten minutes and my stomach feels off and my head detaches from my body. Still! And I found out that during my extremely high fever in the beginning that, what I thought had been dreams, were actually hallucinations! How fucked up is that? Oh! And what I was hallucinating about? Fan Fiction! NO, that's not a joke. Though I really wish is was. But luckily for me everything that I said made no sense whatsoever. Okay, another short chapter because I still feel like shit.

_**Buffyxenaman:**_ Thanks!

_**almostkaity:**_ Thank you!

Enjoy all! Don't own. All mistakes are mine.

_Edit April 3, 2011:_ I fixed the run together sentences. I always seem to miss some when I edit my chapters. The people talking after Ryan says _"What are you doing in here anyway?"_ are: Hank, Lee, Jake, Eric. It was pointed out that this chapter is a little confusing, the end was meant to be, that part wasn't. The part after Ryan locks them in the pantry is really up for grabs. There are sentences that you'll know, or think you know, who's saying what. There are also sentences where you won't know who the hell is saying what, that's the point. It's five guys who are locked in the pantry, bitching, with really no foreseeable way out. I thought, and still think, that it's funny. I hope you do too. Thanks for reading.

* * *

"_Good party Ryan!"_

"_Great Pizza!"_

"_I'm going to be too full for cake!"_

"_Don't say that! Have you seen the cake?"_

Ryan finally made it inside. He did have to agree with that last conversation. The cake looked great! If he'd had a few dreams about said cake after they had ordered it, well that was nobody's business but his. And if Ryan had ordered the cake a little bigger than strictly necessary, well that was his business too. Ryan made his way to the fridge. Time to pull out the ice cream, it always turned hard as a rock in the old thing. They'd have to look into replacing it soon. He let out an explosive sigh as he took a turn around the kitchen. The whole damn thing would need to be done, and actually _had been_ on the to do list since they had moved in. Ryan had been in mid-sigh when a pair of arms grabbed him and pulled him into the pantry. Said sigh turned into a squeak.

"You're thinking too loud."

"Jesse damnit! That wasn't funny."

"Then stop worrying."

"What are you doing in here anyway?"

"Hiding. Be quiet." A new voice floated out of the dim light.

"Too many kids. Just. Too. MANY!"

"And you're the one that wants a big family?"

"You should only do that if you have enough rooms for all the kids. And more than one bathroom! Me and three older sisters. Only one kids bathroom. The HORROR!"

Ryan did shout then. And he stormed out of the pantry. "Bunch of grown ass men still hiding in a closet. I thought everybody came out already!"

"We did. We saw all those kids and came back." Lee answered from his perch.

SLAM. CLICK. "I'll let you cowards out when we're done with the cake and ice cream."

"We're sorry!"

"Ryan?"

"Partner?"

"Baby?"

"Shit!"

"I wanted cake."

"How come the rest of the kitchen is a piece of crap, but this door is so damn sturdy?"

"Craftsmanship."

"His dad's an expert at this stuff. Taught him all he knew."

"Did he teach you how to get out of something like this?"

"Not without tools. Or a battering ram."

"DAMN!"

"I really wanted cake!"

"Me too. Kids always have better cake than adults."

"Yeah. But we get to drink."

"Oh yeah!"

"Totally forgot about that!"

"If we ever get out of here we should all go out!"

"Cake still sounds good though."

"Yeah."

"I really want some of that damn cake now! Shit!"

\o/\o/\o/

"Threaten to take away a treat and they turn into big babies. Should we let them out now Buster?" The dog gave a low woof. "Jesse does need to be there when Jay blows out the candles. I guess we'll have to let the others out too."

* * *

**A/N:** In the closet: Jesse, Lee, Jake, Eric, and Hank. I know! I didn't stick with my Sunday update schedule. I went to bed instead. Reviews are love, ConCrit is welcomed, and any and all Flames will be used to build a bonfire to tell this story by.


	7. What if I told Mama?

_**A/N:**_ Cold update: I hope all you readers never get this **thing**. I'm going into week three with it. While the only symptoms remaining are the icky wet cough and runny nose, it's still annoying. And I don't mean for that to sound ungrateful, because I am very grateful. It's just that it is taking forever to leave.

This chapter along with the other chapters of my other stories will be short again. The reason for that is because I was watching a movie and got an idea that won't let go. Plus I checked the movie out of the Library and only have it for a short amount of time. So I would like to get the story done before it has to go back.

Is anybody else having Alert problems? I think it might be fixed now, but I'm not sure. I guess we'll see.

_**Buffyxenaman:**_ Thank you for always taking the time to review! Those one or two words make me really happy, and let me know that you're still reading. Thank you!

_**Dybdahl: Chapter 2 review:**_ Thank you for the review! Yes I did pull my portrayal of OCD from the show, and I also ripped it off from some other peoples stories that I was reading around the time that I started writing this. There really is no excuse for not doing the research, but I'm going to give one anyway. At the time I started writing this story I (and my sister too) had a limited amount of time to read and write _"slash"_, because of a certain family member who vehemently apposes any type of _**"gayness"**_. Or really any person who is different from him at all. I should have put in a warning that my portrayal of OCD should be taken with a grain of salt. I will do that now.

_**Dybdahl:**_ _**Chapter 6 review:**_ Again, thank you for the review! I did go back and edit the last chapter, fixed some mistakes and left an edited A/N to explain the chapter a little better. The chapter is Ryan getting congratulated on the party and him overhearing certain conversations as he heads inside to get the cake and ice cream ready. The next part is Ryan in the kitchen, thinking. Then Jesse pulls him into their pantry, where Ryan quickly discovers that Jesse isn't the only person hiding in it. The part after that is Ryan getting angry that a group of grown men are hiding because of a bunch of children, so he locks the group of grown men _in_ the pantry with the threat of no cake and ice cream. Then it's Jesse, Lee, Jake, Eric, and Hank bitching about being locked in. The very end is Ryan asking the dog, Buster, if he should let them out, and then deciding to do so. Hope that cleared chapter 6 up. At least a little. Thank you.

Enjoy all! Don't own. All mistakes are mine. My portrayal of Ryan's OCD should be taken with a grain of salt. I do know that there are different forms of OCD, cases range from mild to severe and I don't mean to belittle the condition at all. My research consisted of the show and stories that I was reading at the time I started my story. Please feel free to laugh here, I did when I realized that was all my research consisted of. I don't mean to offend anybody, and I sincerely hope I didn't. Ryan's OCD really isn't meant to be a big part of the story, that could change but not right now. I put it in the story because I do believe he has a form of OCD, even if it was only mentioned once(as far as I know). It's part of the character and I didn't feel right leaving it out. But it's really not meant to be a focal point in the story.

Also, if you actually read this whole thing, you can have a piece of virtual birthday cake. Enjoy!

* * *

Ryan looked at the carnage surrounding him, and the only thing that he could think about was how big of a bitch it would be to clean up. With a sigh he shook out the garbage bag and got to work.

"I can't believe you locked us in the pantry." Lee groused from behind him.

"You guys are wimps! Three cops, a CSI, and a D.A. all hiding from some kids!"

"Some kids? That was a pack!"

Ryan snorted. "A pack? They're not wolves."

"You apparently didn't see them eat." Lee huffed, stuffing paper plates into the bag. "And they were all screaming and running around and trying to kill each other! They are animals."

"No. They're just children. You'll learn that lesson when you start to reproduce. Or if you take care of kid for more than three days."

"Why more than three days?"

"That shyness factor starts to go away. Kids learn and adapt pretty quick in certain situations, adults usually don't."

"Cheerful. We can take some cake home right?"

Ryan laughed. Getting a cake that was way too big was a good decision.

\o/\o/\o/

"Did you have fun Lacey?"

"Yep."

"The Pizza was good?"

"Uhuh."

"Was the cake tasty?"

"Where's the cake?"

"You ate it."

"Oh. Okay. I can't wait for cake."

"Eric! Stop asking her questions, she's practically asleep."

"Actually she is. Having full conversations in your sleep is a family trait. The only problem is we can have full conversations and not remember a thing. Including agreeing to do something, and then getting yelled at for not doing it."

"Is that how your sisters got you to.."

"We don't talk about that!"

Hank just smiled as he drove.

\o/\o/\o/

"Things were good. Don't you think?"

"They seemed so. Why? Are Ryan and Jesse having problems?"

"Nope! At least not right now." Lee muttered the last part. Lee was never sure what to tell his husband. Their jobs _were_ dangerous. Sometimes they _did_ get knocked around. And accidents _sometimes_ happened in everyday life. But there was just something about some of Ryan's injuries that didn't make any sense, and sometimes there was a look in Ryan's eyes that Lee couldn't figure out. Jesse could have a temper, but Lee usually saw him at the gym when there had been a bad day. They even spared sometimes. But the look Ryan sometimes…

"Babe?"

"At least we got cake!" He turned to Jake with a smile. "I say we eat it now!"

"What about dinner?"

"What _about_ dinner?"

"I love you, but don't come crying to me when you get sick. I'm going to make a sandwich."

"You'll be sorry!" Lee called after him.

"I don't think so." Floated back to him.

"Your loss." He muttered.

\o/\o/\o/

"What took you so long?"

"I love you too sis."

"Do you know what time it is Eric?"

"Yes Isabelina. But I can't move cars with my mind, and I can't stop people from being dicks. Traffic was a nightmare. Oh yeah! I'm fine. How are you?"

"Alright Eric, I get it. I'm just still not feeling well. I _do_ love you, and I'm glad you're fine."

"Thank you. And don't take it out on me because your husband is the reason you're sick. _It makes you seem like a bitch._" Eric whispered the last part.

"If Mama was here she'd rip you a new one little brother."

"Well it's a good thing she's not here then, isn't it." He kissed her forehead. "Lacey's asleep, you should go to bed too. I love you, I'll see you Sunday."

"Maybe I'll tell Mama what you said.""Maybe I'll tell Mama why you're really sick. Go to bed sis, we're definitely going to when we get home. Bye!"

* * *

**A/N:** I'm putting another explanation down here because my first A/N was getting really freaking long. I know some people get really pissy when they think a "Universe" is inhabited only by gay people, or it is. That is not the case with this story, there are straight people in my "Universe". They're just not important right now. I don't really give a damn one way or another. The only thing that pisses me off is people creating "Universes" like that and then putting people together who I really just can't see being in those relationships. I really have no problem with someone creating either an all Gay or LGBT "Universe". Or any "Universe" in between. I just have a problem with people making random couples because of a limited number of men and/or women in their fandom. Make people up. As long as they're not Mary Sue's and/or Larry Stu's, i.e. perfect in every way, I don't have a problem with OC's. Most people I know don't care either, as long as whoever you make up isn't the most perfect person on the planet. I don't think I've done that with any of my characters, at least not yet. Reviews are love, ConCrit is welcomed, and any and all Flames will be used to build a bonfire to tell this story by.


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